Posted by: The Last Liberal Gwinnettian | May 13, 2009

Georgians Against Idiocy

This article, and others like it (unfortunately, I am certain more exist), is the reason why the rest of the country scoffs at Georgia.

Georgia is my home. I have lived in other parts of the country, including the midwest and the northeast, and yet I have always returned to my home. It’s hot, metro-Atlanta is smoggy and pollen-ridden, there is way too much traffic, we are ranked 49th in the country in education, and no one in the state knows how to drive — but I love this state anyway. Which is why it irks me when Yankees are given good reason to consider Georgia the home of a bunch of unintelligent, backwards, redneck hicks.

Jeff Foxworthy once did a piece about the reason why the south is looked down upon by the rest of the country. His argument is that we always feel the need to put the lady in a mumu and hair rollers on television, and never the doctors or lawyers. It’s a valid point.

I’m calling for the silence of those who make our state look bad.

Yes, Georgia has its problems. But we are a great state. We have a buzzing metropolis, beautiful mountains and beaches, and we are NOT merely a bunch of hicks. As such, I am sick and tired of having to defend my home against the misjudgment of others. Help me out, people. Silence those who should never be allowed to represent our state.

Southerners who should never, ever be allowed to represent this state in front of a television camera:

1. Anyone who has ever had sexual relations with any non-human.
2. Anyone who might randomly shout the phrase, “The South will riiiiiise again!”
3. Anyone over the age of 20 with less than an 8th grade education.
4. Anyone who advocates seceding from the Union. (Dude, it’s 2009. We lost the war about 150 years ago. Get over it and move on with life.)
5. Anyone wearing one of those helmets with beer cans attached to the sides.
6. Anyone who has ever done their grocery shopping by scraping roadkill off the street.
7. Anyone whose pick-up truck has a gun rack, a picture of a deer drinking from a stream on the rear window, and a Confederate flag predominantly displayed.
8. Anyone whose Confederate flag belt buckle is larger than a credit card.
9. Anyone who has to spit more than once in a five-minute span due to a chewing tobacco addiction.
10. Anyone who watches fishing shows and pays attention.

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